It's time to start thinking about you and your own wellbeing. Think about surviving the affair and moving on in your life. This process demands total commitment and effort on the part of both you and your husband, but if there is any love remaining in your marriage, and you are both committed to making it work, you will succeed at rebuilding the trust and love.
Here is a 7 step solution guide to surviving the affair which will help heal and regain the trust in your relationship
Stop Being The Victim. Feeling victimized will get you no where. The anger and hurt is definitely justified, but if you are interested in surviving the affair, you have to take active steps to heal. This is possible by communicating your feelings to your partner and understanding why the affair took place.
Talk to your husband about it and share all your feelings. It is important to talk to your husband and resolve the issues troubling you. Make a promise to each other that from this point on, the communication between you two will be transparent, open and honest, even to the point of feeling vulnerable. Increasing the communication and letting your husband know how you feel can only make things better.
Do not let the anger and bitterness consume you. It's healthy to engage yourself in activities and focus on yourself and your wellbeing, not only as a way to distract yourself, but as a way to boost your self-esteem and rid yourself of the anger and bitterness. Giving yourself and your husband some space is also an essential step involved in surviving the affair. Inability to do so may aggravate the situation and cost you your marriage. Taking time off will help you deal with the anger and leave time for both you and your husband to evaluate your relationship and strengthen your resolve to repair it.
Get the other woman out of the picture. Make sure your husband has severed all ties with the other woman before you start putting effort into the relationship. Both of you must be interested in re-building the marriage.
Take active and conscious steps to repair the relationship. Talk to your husband about ways of surviving the affair and starting afresh. Set a designated time aside each day so that you can talk about the future and build the intimacy. If professional help or resources are needed to guide this process, don't hesitate to utilize them. There are plenty of marriage councelors, marriage therapy groups, online resources and library material which will help guide you through the process. Choose one which is affordable and feels comfortable to both you and your husband.
Do not rush into it.This is the most common mistake couples make after they have been through an affair. You need to take it slowly and take it one step at a time. Experts explain that women may be at a very delicate juncture after this time and surviving the affair can take quite a toll on their physical and mental health. Taking care of yourself and allowing ample time to heal the relationship is key.
Prevent making the same mistakes again. If you know why the affair happened, make sure that you and your husband do not repeat the same damaging behaviours again. Do not blindly start trusting your husband again but monitor how involved he is in making the marriage work. Explain it to him that you need him to be more communicative so that you can start trusting him slowly. This is not the time to hold back your feelings and expectations, but express them and expect a change in his behaviour.
Surviving an affair can be the most difficult thing to endure, but it is possible if you can remain positive, focus on your needs and expectations, learn to communicate and trust again, and most importantly focus on the good things in your relationship. You married him for a reason. Look for these qualities once again and your marriage is sure to find solid ground once again. I wish you all the best.
Keep in mind, reading articles and searching for answers to your happiness is only the first step. Taking action on what you have come to learn is what will ultimately make you feel better. I hope these 9 steps to building a stronger self esteem and surviving an affair will help you begin your journey toward healing yourself and your marriage.
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