How To Survive An Affair - Getting Back To You

In coping with how to survive an affair it's easy to get down on yourself. Your spouse cheated so you tell yourself that may be the reason they did what they did is that you were unable to fill the void in their life.

This can take on many shapes. For example you start to believe the other person is a better listener than you so your marriage partner found it a whole lot easier to talk to them. Or maybe you convince yourself they were more attractive or know how to please your spouse in ways that you can't imagine.

Whatever the form the end goal is the same which is to run yourself down. You lacked whatever so your spouse looked for it elsewhere. Regrettably too many victims of infidelity in marriage not only buy into that line of thinking but also have a mate who pushes them in to believe it. That double whammy can have a devastating effect on anyone's self-image.

The good part is as hard as it may be to consider the bottom line is your significant other's infidelity has opened the door for you to really do some positive evaluation about your life. It's easy to stop thinking of yourself as an individual when you get married. For many of us it means becoming part of a team. Now most decisions like finances, your children's well-being or what are your plans for the weekend are usually made in conjunction with the other person or at least taking their preferences and judgment into account.

That's the way it should be but not to the point that you lose focus on your own individuality which happens with far too many couples.

Discovering how to survive an affair means you can claim much of you back. If you were lost in the shadows of your significant other the opportunity to come into your own has been handed to you once again.

To get there however means

1. Deal With The Hurt

No one ever said reclaiming you was going to be easy but you can go a long way towards that goal by facing up to the pain your significant other has caused you. Doing so is a way of saying you are much stronger than you gave yourself credit for. You possess an inner reserve that can and will see you through the most difficult of situations including infidelity in marriage. It affirms that you will heal. Not might or possibly but will. Dealing with the hurt can go a long way to boosting your self-confidence.

2. They Were Not Better

Your spouse cheated that's done and there's nothing you can do about it. Now they may give you a list of reason why they did what they did but one you should never accept is the belief that somehow the other person was in some way superior to you. Not. For one if they were superior then they would not feel the need to go sneaking around with someone else's spouse. That shows bad judgment and a certain lack of morals.

For another we are all different but that doesn't mean better. Each person has talents and gifts unique to them. Whether you choose to use those resources and how is up to the person. The person your spouse cheated with may be on a different level from you but not a higher one.

3. Blueprint For Recovery

Refuse to sit around all day reminding yourself over and over again about the affair. Take your mind off the negative imagery by going out and helping someone else. Get going with volunteer work. Do not forsake your hobbies either. Use this time as a matter of fact to embrace them again with all the focus and passion you can muster.

Hang out with friends and family on a more regular basis. They are there to support you but don't spend that time together constantly rehashing the infidelity in marriage your marriage partner committed. Your social circle is going to be there for you but make a concerted effort to focus on them.

See if there is something you can do to help out or make them feel better regarding what they may be going through. One of the keys on how to survive an affair is pushing the spotlight off of you not because you are afraid but due to the fact you genuinely care about others.

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