The Biggest Dilemma When Surviving An Affair: Should I Stay Or Should We Get a Divorce?

When you are surviving an affair, your next decision comes down to only two choices: to stay together and try saving your marriage or get out and leave everything behind. Here are three questions for you to consider before making any decision:

1. Are you the only one who is trying to work on your marriage?

If your husband or wife is not willing to work with you and try saving your marriage together you can't make a decision all by yourself because the effort of surviving an affair is too much for just one person to make. Here are some considerations:

    Are you sure that your spouse has ended the affair?
    Does the one who cheated is remorseful for what she/he did?
    Have you seen any desire from your spouse to repair your marriage?
    What your spouse is saying about couples counseling and about the efforts needed for surviving an affair?
    Does your spouse is doing exactly what she/he is saying?

2. If your spouse is not willing to do any couples counseling, what do you do?

Not anyone is willing to go to a marriage counselor for surviving an affair. They are afraid of feeling humiliated, being judged or maybe they are not ready yet to reveal all the details about what happened in the relationship and especially with someone else like a marriage counselor. But you should know that there is still hope for your marriage.

You have to know if your spouse is willing to try other alternative to counseling like trying to just sit down face to face and start talking about your relationship and the problems you two have and what to do to save your marriage. The most important thing is to talk openly to each other about what are the most important steps to make for surviving an affair.

3. Do you want to save your marriage and go through all the effort doing it?

Maybe your spouse is not feeling the same way like you do about saving your marriage and working together for surviving an affair and you may feel vulnerable and alone but this does not mean that you are not strong enough for making a decision and knowing what is right for you.

The road ahead of you is very tough and surviving an affair is never easy and you will have to deal with the images inside your head, negative emotions and feelings and all the memories about the affair also you will have problems to build up your self-esteem. You may think that all the effort you are putting to save your relationship is worth it or not.

Knowing these questions will give you an idea about what you will have to face and to see the whole picture on what decision you should make about your marriage. To some of these questions you may not find the answer right now and you should know that is okay. The time is passing and considering these questions and trying to answer them will help you put the affair behind you and make the efforts of surviving an affair to be less painful.

If you want more information on how to survive an affair after your spouse cheated on you, this is a great resource: [http://www.surviving-affair.com]

There is also a really great FREE course that deals with some of the most complicated issues that people need help with after an affair. Click on the link above to get that FREE course.

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Surviving An Affair Book - Help For Healing And Restoration

I'm sorry if you are looking for a surviving an affair book because you were cheated on or perhaps you made the mistake of committing adultery. I know there is more sympathy for the person cheated on but my heart goes out to both individuals because there is more than enough pain to go around when infidelity is uncovered.

What's needed to survive an affair is real insight and answers to everyday situations that need to be dealt with. If you find a good book on surviving an affair, what you want is up to date information and not tips and tools used prior to 1975 that are outdated and a waste of time.

One of the other important aspects of the right book on surviving an affair is insights from real experienced people. For example, it's better to get advice from someone who has recovered from triple bypass surgery before you go in then get tips from someone who read about it in a health magazine. The same goes for resources on surviving an affair. You probably will be able to better relate to someone who has been in your situation and can share failures and successes in getting though infidelity.

One of the things I have discovered is that there are a lot of books available on cheating. You can find audio books, e-books, soft cover, hard cover and videos about cheating. For every good resource available there are probably 50 terrible ones. I'm not a book critic but anytime I read excerpts about "how to get your husband back in 5 days" or "how to heal your broken marriage after infidelity in 7 hours" I'm convinced that the rest of the book on surviving an affair is not worth reading.

If you are dealing with an infidelity issue, please continue to press for information that can help you get to the point where looking for a book on surviving an affair is a thing of the past.

A few tips on surviving an affair

• Be honest and transparent going forward - The one thing that must be present to move forward effectively is honesty by both individuals. The cheating person must answer truthfully about the affair and the offended person must be honest about feelings and expectations.

• Don't dwell on the affair - A good book on surviving an affair will point out that you shouldn't be consumed by the affair. If you can, find some time each day or a couple of days a week to discuss the infidelity and outside of those agreed upon times, don't discuss it or think about it. Find some positive things to do or dwell on and cut out some of the negative thoughts, images etc.

I know you are probably hurting and need relief and I hope this information has been helpful to you.

As I mentioned, the surviving an affair book, that will probably most benefit you is one that you can relate to. If you have a moment and can use some insight regarding recovering from an affair, please read this; Surviving An Affair [http://restoringrelationships.info/marriage_affairs.html]

Finally, I know you can love and trust again if you have been cheated on. If you are the one who slipped and committed adultery you too can put your life and relationship back together. For help in doing so, I encourage you to see here; [http://restoringrelationships.info/marriage_affairs_dealing_with_infidelity.html]

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How to Survive an Affair - 3 Things You Must Tell Your Spouse to Survive an Affair Come Out Stronger

Did you know that approximately 60% of women and 65% of men will have an affair sometime during their marriage? Learning how to survive an affair is more important than ever...You're either going to lose your relationship or come out stronger than before. It's your choice.

With the huge surge in the amount of affairs taking place in the past ten years, I'm sad to say that it's become more important than it's ever been before to learn about extramarital affairs and how you can recover from them.

In a staggering 80% of marriages one spouse or the other commits adultery. This is a fact.

The question isn't "Will my spouse cheat on me?", that's obvious. Everyone cheats (Wow, what a sad world we live in). The real question is "How can I survive an affair?".

And that's where I come in.

See, having helped hundreds of couples get through their affair with my C.A.T.C.H. affair action plan (see below), I've learned a couple things a long the way.

What I'd like to do now is talk to you about how to survive an affair, and come out stronger than before:

#1 - "I Need to Vent Sometimes"

Often when people ask me how to survive an affair, they're really just looking for a way to make all the emotion go away. But this is a bad idea.

Listen, a huge part of the healing process is getting the chance to say all the stuff going through your head. If you never get to really confront your spouse with a good old yelling match, then you're never going to get to say all the things that need to be said.

Yes, you will say overly hurtful things. Yes, you won't mean everything you say. Yes, you should still find time to vent, anyways. It's a crucial step if you're serious about learning how to survive an affair.

Just make sure that you explain to your spouse that you feel venting is an important part of the recovery process. Warn them that you may not mean everything you say, but it's important that you say it anyways

#2 - "Give Me Space"

Listen, you have some serious issues going on in your head right now. There's a flood of emotion going on that needs to be tamed before you can hope to live a normal life again.

This is going to require some alone time. You'll never really get the freedom you need to work through all the psychological problems that come from an affair if you spend all your time around your husband/wife.

Get some space! Get away for a couple days if you need to. Find someplace quiet and relaxing and clear your head.

#3 - "Always Be Predictable"

You should let your spouse know that you're going to need a solid foundation of strength and comfort if you're going to learn how to survive an affair and come out stronger. You need them to be there when you need them, and not be there when you don't.

You need to know what they're doing at all times, so that you don't have to spend time worrying about ANOTHER affair.

Bonus Tip #4 - The Secret No One Tells You

Want to know the secret answer to how to survive an affair?

It's actually quite a bit simpler than you probably think...It all comes down to having a plan. You see, by having a set of steps that you know you're going to follow, it'll be much easier to take things one step at a time. You won't become overwhelmed by the prospect of repairing your relationship all at once.

So, what plan should you follow? Well, I've had lots of success following the 3 phases to affair recovery [http://Catch-The-Affair.info]:

1. Heal Yourself

2. Heal Your Relationship

3. Heal Your Marriage

Now, it's my believe that saving your marriage should be free, which is exactly why I've taken the time to give you everything you need to fully recover from an affair and come out stronger than before...It's right here on my website:

What to Do When All Hope Seems Lost (Free) - How to Survive an Affair [http://signscheating.com/Heal.html] -

Either way you choose, thanks for reading.

Feel free to check out more of my articles!

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Survive an Affair, Save Your Marriage - Is There Love After Infidelity?

Can you truly survive an affair? Does it seem like your life won't ever improve?

Are your needs not being satisfied?

You are feeling hurt, betrayed and overwhelmed as a result of your wife or husband's affair. Fed up with the lies and the inability to trust again?

--Believe Me... I Can Relate!--

As a person that has been through an affair and dealt with an unfaithful wife I understand just how you're feeling. Processing all that has happened - the affair itself, the unfaithfulness and the emotional turmoil can be disastrous. You'll find so many decisions to make, do you stay with the wife or husband, risk trusting them back again... it is a hard path to walk working to survive an affair.

--The Big Question... Why?--

Why did my spouse cheat? How could he / she do this to me, to our children, to our family? You may think you will never understand why it happened.

Can my husband or wife still love me? Can there be hope for our relationship, can we survive an affair?

Did your husband or wife ever love you? How could they do this to you if they did love you?

The thoughts are terrible and you wonder if your marriage could ever be the same even if you can survive an affair. Can our marriage ever genuinely work again? You may even think there is no going back and no healing the relationship.

--Forget "Us" For a Second... Can I Survive an Affair?--

I'm sure you are also asking "what about me"? How do you handle feeling betrayed and the pain of lost love? Your self esteem has plummeted.

The anger is always there, underneath, ready to boil over. Can you ever forgive your husband or wife?

You most likely have no idea how you'll put your life together again. How will you help the kids through the difficulties? And on top of all of that there's still everyday life to cope with - a career, finances, children.

Where Do I Go From Here?

What you have to have in times like this is an immediate intervention of relief.

It is going to take lots of work to mend this marriage. It'll require both spouses being totally committed to the healing and it'll take time. I'm here to let you know that you can without a doubt heal from an affair...yes, you may survive an affair.

I am living proof.

In July 2008 I found out that my closest friend (back then) was having an affair with my wife of twelve years. And on top of it all she became pregnant by him.

I truly believed I was going to die... sometimes I wish I would have.

It took many years to heal, however I did. There were long nights of sobbing and despair however I'm living proof today of the healing which can realistically take place.

The progress has taken time and I still have lingering thoughts about the affair but I am really happy with my life right now and the healing that has occurred.

I've accumulated all sorts of gold nuggets of information I learned by life experience that will definitely help you survive a marital affair as well. Visit the link below to get your copy of this life proven material.

Max Maltz is giving away a Free 7 Part Report on "How to Survive an Affair"... visit Survive an Affair [http://www.survive-an-affair.com/] to get yours while this offer is still available.

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Can a Marriage Survive an Affair? Yes, If You Forgive and Forget

Perhaps the best answer to the question: can a marriage survive an affair is: it all depends. It may appear to be a vague answer but you have to understand that, like no marriage works on a text book formula, the failure also follows no fixed path.

Every marriage survives on a set of dynamics, which are couple-specific. So much so, that an outsider would never know why a marriage ticks and why it does not. An affair is usually a fall out of some gross inter-personal conflict which has become temporarily unsolvable. Can a marriage survive an affair? The answer could be yes, if one goes by the past record of thousands of couples who have resolved the dispute areas in the marriage and have successfully moved on, living happily thereafter, so to speak. However, there are also couples who could not come to any mutually-agreeable solution to resolve the conflicts and have amicably parted ways.

Let us look at the problem in a positive note and find out how a marriage can survive an affair. The crux of the matter, most importantly, is whether the will to allow the marriage to survive is equally strong in both the partners. Are you prepared to forget and forgive your partner? This applies not only to the person who was involved in the affair but also the sufferer. Here are some tips to save the marriage even after it has suffered some indelible scars of an affair:

o Any reconciliation or resolution of an inter-personal conflict is possible only through frank and accusation-free interactions. Ideally, this should start as soon as you 'feel' that there is an entry of a third person in your marriage.

o Treat the affair as a wake-up call to sit up and do some disaster management to save a failing marriage. As mentioned, the first step is to start an open and frank dialogue with your spouse. If you do not listen what your spouse has to say, you can never get the right answer to your question: can a marriage survive an affair.

o If you still love your spouse, who admits to having had an affair, you should be prepared to forget and forgive so that you can move on. There is hardly any point in blaming or accusing your spouse for having done this to you - as the sheer fact that he or she has admitted to an affair is proof enough of admission of guilt. You do not have to rub it in further.

o If you are the one who had the affair, your responsibility is also to forgive your spouse for not 'meeting your expectations' in some way or the other and forget about the person with whom you had the affair. Can a marriage survive an affair? Yes, it can, provided you too lend a helping hand to save the marriage from further deterioration. You should also listen to whatever your spouse has to say and take corrective actions, if you want to save the marriage and re-build the lost trust. Rebuilding a marriage from scratch may take double the effort, but in the long run, it works, only if both of you share the responsibility hand-in-hand.

o After successful reconciliation, it is best not to broach the topic ever. Simply forget that such a situation ever arose in your life if you want to remove the tell-tale scars of an affair from your marriage.

o To make a marriage survive after an affair, you have to remember one basic fact. Your spouse may have slipped from his or her expected role of a faithful wife or a husband when he or she fell for someone else, but it has taken a tremendous amount of courage and willpower to come out of it. Give the due credit to your spouse - as he or she could only forego the affair, because of the implicit trust and faith your spouse has on you. Respect that and move on.

o Can a marriage survive an affair? Yes it can do so successfully, if you forget the past and bring back the lost romance in your relationship. Forget about all other priorities and focus whole-heartedly on your spouse to save the relationship from any further damage. Spend as much time as possible with each other and give everything else a break.

Hopefully you have been able to get the essence of the answer to your question can a marriage survive an affair. Finally, remember an affair can cause an unforgettable trauma and to put your marriage back on the track can take a lot of time, patience and understanding. Of course, lots and lots of love.

Why is saving your marriage [http://www.lonelinesstohappiness.com/] so important to you?

Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions... especially marriage! We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.

Losing a spouse is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.

But don't give up on the love of your life yet. There is still hope! You can reverse deterioration of your marriage and successfully reconnect with your spouse. Use my professional and personal experience to learn how you can bring the passion back into your marriage.

Visit my site at [http://www.lonelinesstohappiness.com/] to find out how you can save your marriage and make your spouse fall in love with you again. These methods have been used by many with an extraordinary degree of success. You will be in good hands!

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Affair Surviving? 5 Tips For Surviving an Affair!

The horrible gut wrenching feeling knowing your husband is having an affair can be a poison that will infect all parts of your life. The questions you ask yourself and the self doubt wear you down night after night. "Do I throw him out?", "can I ignore it and time will heal?", "did I fail him?", "can I save my marriage?". All these things and more run through your mind, making you angry, sad, scared and depressed. It does not ave to be this way however! Affair surviving is possible and can be done by you if you do a few things right like these tips on surviving an affair.

1. Know the affair is not your fault.

While it can feel that you may have done something wrong that has driven him into the arms of another woman this is never true! While both of you may have made mistakes, (and who honestly hasn't!) the truth of the matter is that he mad the choice to have an affair! This means he is the one who is at fault no matter the circumstances!

Your husband has made a decision based on a selfish desire to run away from a problem instead of solving it. The affair is a temporary indulgence in an emotional and physical neediness. The truth is that affairs are temporary things and hardly ever amount to anything solid between the two having an affair.

2. You must find out just what type of affair is going on.

Affairs happen for different reasons just as people lead different lives and want different things. Here are some of the main excuses men use to justify their affair.

My marriage made me do this! I just can't say no! I just don't want to say no! I am not in love any more! I did it to get revenge on my spouse! I needed to prove to myself I am still attractive! I just wanted to be close to someone!

each of these excuses need different ways of being dealt with. Some are more to do with his ego exclusively while others have more complex undercurrents. To be able to survive an affair you need to know exactly what you are facing!

3. Find out what is internally driving him to the affair.

This follows on from the previous tip, while you can find out the reason he may state is making him turn to an affair you need to delve deeper and find out what is really driving him!

You need to know what drives your man, how his past has effected him decision making now, how he copes with relationships and more. How you do this will vary greatly but only once you find out what his problem is can you develop effective strategies with better decisions. You will also feel a lot better knowing you now have a clear path to follow and it is his problem not your own!

4. Ask yourself the tough question.

Now that you have worked out what is happening with your partner and understand him much more than you did before you have to ask a difficult question of yourself, "do want to stay with him?". While you probably answer yes straight away or you would not be reading this guide only once you have come to the conclusions you have after following the first 3 steps can you look at this more honestly.

Basically you need to work out if you really love him and want to stay with him or if you just want to save your marriage based on your own feelings of insecurities and neediness. While this may sound harsh if you want him to be honest with you you must be honest with him and yourself, if you are trying to save a marriage based purely on selfish reasons will it be much of a marriage? While you are asking yourself this now it is best to find out about him first before you can look at this question logically!

What are the odds of saving your marriage?

what sort of affair you are facing from tip 2 makes a large impact on how easy it will be to save your marriage and may effect how you approach this problem. Here is a quick guide, however small nuances in each situation may vary the end result so this is just a rough guide.

My marriage made me do this! - hard to save. If he is set in his mind that the marriage is the problem then obviously it will be harder to get a healthy marriage back. I just can't say no! - this is purely his problem and has a good chance of saving the marriage once he works it out. i just don't want to say no! - not as good. He is choosing very logically to have this affair because he really wants it. This is still an ego issue though and he may still want a marriage back once the reasons for his wanting an affair can be solved. Better then the first not as good as the second type. I am not in love any more! - not as bad as it sounds, he is wanting with this type and while he feels the love is gone the marriage may still have appeal. Rekindling love can turn this around greatly! I did it to get revenge on my spouse! - also not as bad as it sounds. Angry and petulant but he still sees you as his wife otherwise he would have simply tried for a divorce.

I needed to prove to myself i am still attractive! - again more about his ego than your marriage. I just wanted to be close to someone! - if there is distance in a marriage this could be problematic, this could be tough.

5. Predict the future

Once you are armed with all this information and can act on it you will also be armed with an important skill; foresight. Using your new knowledge of your man and his desires, shortcomings and needs you can predict what will happen in his affair and your marriage.

Using your knowledge predict if he will have another affair even if this one stops. Use your knowledge to predict if the affairs are long term or just one night stands. Predict what sort of affairs he is likely to have, physical, emotional or mental? Use this knowledge to see the future then act on it!

Affair surviving can be a hard road no matter what your choices but i hope these tips on surviving an affair will arm you with the information you need to make the right decisions not just now but for long into the future! good luck!

Did you find this article useful?

Need more information on surviving that affair?

Want to make sure it never happens again so you get the marital bliss you have been missing for so long?

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Why Do People Cheat And What Is The First Step In Surviving An Affair?

A cheating spouse is never a fun thing. As a matter of fact, it has been largely agreed upon that affairs are the most painful thing a couple can go through. In many cases, it is also the make or break factor, as some might find the strength inside themselves to forgive and let go of an affair. If you are stuck with a partner who is having or had an affair and want the marriage to last the best thing you can do is gather the tools for surviving an affair.

Many women who cheat do so because their husband is not the boyfriend he was 10 years ago, nor the fiancé he was 5 years ago. He has taken to sitting around watching television after he gets home from work, then heading to bed. He may no longer care for conversation, or show that he really does love and care for you. He becomes complacent. Many men go through this stage, and many are not happy with it themselves.

Their behavior is usually a product of boredom and not being satisfied with their own lives. They go to work 9-5 every day in a job they can no longer stand (after working there for years), then come home too tired to do much. There is no more fun and excitement like there was when they were younger, every day is exactly the same now. Of course the situation differs with everyone (a 22 years old will most likely not have the same issues as a 40 years old), but a lot of the root problems are the same.

Many men cheat for the same reasons that caused their wives to cheat. He is bored with everything and wants to try something new but his wife wants no part of it. So instead of just taking the let down in stride, he seeks adventure elsewhere. Many times, sex (or lack thereof) plays a part in it as well. All of these things are what pushes our partners over the edge and into the arms of another person.

What do you do if it does happen? How do you go about surviving an affair? Well the one thing you do not do is point your finger in his or her face and say this is your entire fault! Instead, let them know that what they did is inexcusable, but if they want to work this out then you're going to need time to yourself to heal and regroup. This is the most important first step in surviving an affair.

Everyone will differ in how they go about surviving an affair. Some may need several weeks, others may take months. However long it takes you should be reassuring yourself of your self-worth and treating yourself how you think you deserve to be treated. This will give you time to recuperate while surviving an affair and undo at least some of the damage.

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